Dare to be a freedom-centered partner!
I recently celebrated my 52nd anniversary of leaving communist Cuba and embracing freedom. One of my preferred places to go when thinking about freedom is Williamsburg, VA. Williamsburg was the birth place of the American Revolution. Every time I go, I’m reminded of why freedom is to be treasured.
The last time I walked around Williamsburg, I heard someone impersonating Patrick Henry, one of the leading lights of the American Revolution. He was also one of the leaders of the movement to add a Bill of Rights to the Constitution.
Patrick Henry is most remembered by the famous speech he delivered in March 1775. He spoke to his fellow Virginians at St. John's Church in Richmond, urging them to take up arms in self-defense. He ended his famous speech with the words:
“Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!” —Patrick Henry
While listening to Patrick Henry’s words, who refused to fear powerful England and had a message of freedom, I kept thinking how much we need today people who dare to be freedom-centered, not fear-based.
WAT IS FREEDOM?
“Freedom” refers to the state of being unencumbered by restraints that limit our ability to take actions that fulfill our desires and needs. Having freedom means that we have the power to exercise choices that we wish to make. Having that power doesn’t necessarily mean that we will always opt for choices that fulfill our desires since doing so would present its own set of problems, which we don’t have the time today to explore.
WHAT IS A FREEDOM-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP?
A Freedom centered relationship is inclusive, encourages openness, self-discipline, humbleness, discipline, and selflessness. It’s ethical, promotes dialogue and collaboration and opens a space that is free of fear. All of which lead to joy, creativity, and connection.
A freedom-centered relationship is one in which the feelings of love flourish. Love based emotions are peace, comfort, freedom, connection, openness, passion, respect, understanding, support, confidence, trust, happiness, joy and et al.
THE PROBLEM WITH FEAR-BASED RELATIONSHIPS
In contrast, fear-based emotions are insecurities, pain, guilt, jealousy, anger, shame, grief et al. You can’t relax. You constantly feel stressed, apprehensive, and afraid.
A relationship based on fear is one where the fearful live with stifled potential and a suppressed spirit. It bleeds into every facet of your life and turns you into a shadow of your former self.
Fenton cites research showing that when we operate in a state of fear, the peripheries of our brains shut down and we only use about 20% of our mental capacity.
That’s a big waste of happiness, and potential. A fear-based mentality leads to a fear-based choices and a fear-based culture. The alternative is a freedom-centered mindset where you give power to yourself and others to release their potential.
WHAT FREEDOM-CENTERED RELATIONSHIPS LOOK LIKE
A redom-centered relationship is a relationship based on love. Love is the only thing that can destroy fear. On the same token, fear destroys love. Here are 3 basic characteristics of a person that is freedom-centered.
1. Have high self-worth. This means that you truly embrace who you are – foibles and all. It doesn't mean you’re arrogant or egotistical. On the contrary, you can humbly value yourself and what you have to bring the world and your relationship. Therefore, you are more likely to value others’ contributions, perspectives and insights as well.
2. Have a high degree of self-knowledge. Freedom-centered people know who they are. They understand their strengths and weakness. They know what their purpose in life is, and they live it each day. They know what their talents and unique contributions are to the world and they cultivate this understanding within themselves over the course of a lifetime.
3. Have the ability to self-govern. Freedom-centered people don’t need someone to tell them what to do because they can discover it for themselves. They are self-growers, which means, they have the reasoning and critical thinking skills to know what questions to ask themselves to discover the answers they need to keep progressing forward.
Not surprisingly, when you analyze the character of the founding fathers of the United States of America, all seemed to possessed these three qualities – self-worth, self-knowledge and self-governance. These are the foundation for becoming a true freedom-centered person.
In my research and experience working with couples, these same three qualities are also the foundation for love and connection. Freedom-centered relationships starts with being able to lead yourself.
Remember. . .
As in the US we celebrate the 4th of July, Independence Day, remember that a Fear-based relationship isn’t the path to love and connection– a freedom-centered relationship is.
P.S.
If you want to know more about being a freedom-centered partner, schedule a free call directly into MY CALENDAR.