Relationship Lessons from Being a Mother
Being a mother is a privilege!
Being a mom has been, and continues to be, one of the greatest joys of my life. I’ve experienced many highs, suffered through some lows, doubted myself, learned much, and have been stretched to grow in ways I couldn’t have imagined when I first started this journey some 40+ years ago.
As I reflect this mother’s day on the lessons that have taught me to be a better mother, I realize that many of the same principles apply to your love relationship. Here are 7 lessons I’ve learned from being a mom:
1. Take time to connect.
Connection requires time. “Quality” time is just a convenient rationalization to justify busyness and to ease our guilt from not spending “quantity” time with our children. The “quality” happens in unexpected moments during the “quantity.” I will never regret staying at home full time for 9 years, and then working only part-time for many other years so that I could spend time with my children and build that connection.
Your relationship requires spending large amounts of time having conversations and actively engaging with your partner and not isolating yourself in your own little world. Devote yourself to investing time in continuing to develop your connection and you’ll reap the rewards.
2. Set clear expectations
Part of being a good mom was setting clear expectations for my kids. They knew what was expected in terms of their behavior and attitudes, and what the consequences would be (either positive or negative) for meeting or not meeting those expectations. Your honey needs the same clear expectations. Many times relationships flounder because you have expectations that are not being met, but you have not clearly expressed those expectations. It’s not fair to judge your partner (or kids) for their actions if they weren’t clear on what the expectations were in the first place.
3. Be the example
As a mom, I knew I had to set the right example for my kids. The same is true about your relationship. Your attitudes, the tone of voice you use in speaking to others, your work ethic, and the way you treat people are just a few of the ways you will influence your relationship. Just as a child will observe and often imitate their parents, your partner many times will take their cue from your actions. Make sure you’re exemplifying the behaviors and values you want them to exhibit!
4. Be consistent
As a mom a learned quickly that I had to be consistent. Creating good habits and enforcing limits required me to be consistent. I could not ask for some behavior change today and let it go the next day. The same applies to your spouse. Your mate needs to know that your expectations don’t change with your mood or whims.
5. Keep a balance between love and limits
Too many rules and criticism, with little expression of love creates rebellious children. Too much love that sees everything children do as “children will be children” and doesn’t discipline, creates hooligans!
Children need judicious praise and expressions of love as well as clear and well reinforced limits. This combination creates security and encourages independence and creativity. That same balance is required in relationships
You can’t be always complaining and criticizing and expect your relationship to flourish. Express more affection and your relationship will be way more positive.
6. Have fun
It’s easy to get bogged down in all the stress, tasks, and anxiety that come with being a mom, but I learned to have fun and enjoy the journey as much as possible. The same applies to your relationship. If you don’t take time for enjoying life and each other, you will start missing the feelings of love and connection that come when you can laugh and enjoy good times together.
7. Encourage a positive environment.
Research shows that children, and adults too, need 5-9 positive interactions for every negative one in order to thrive. One of the primary roles of a mother is to validate her children. A mother’s approval imparts a tremendous amount of psychological and emotional confidence in a child that empowers him to grow in confidence and faith in his own abilities.
Your partner also needs your approval. When your spouse knows that you accept them, desire the best for them, and will do whatever you can to help them succeed, you will have their loyalty and commitment. When there is more positivity than negativity, there is less stress, sicknesses, and bickering. Your partner will be more willing to look after your own needs when they know their efforts are appreciated.
The relationship with your spouse is obviously not the same as parenting children, although some days it can certainly feel that way! However, the principles one uses to be a successful mother (or father) can be equally beneficial for success in your relationship. Just like being a mother, the key is being consistent in your approach and having the best interests of your partner in mind.
By no means are these seven principles a definitive list. I’m curious to know what lessons you’ve learned from being a parent or from observing parents. Feel free to share your thoughts by leaving a comment.